BEING SO ...........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CANT FUCKEN STAND PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THEY AINT ASKING ME OUT BECAUSE I'M ALWAYS AT VANESSA'S HOUSE!!!!!!!!!! JUST BECAUSE I SAID NO FEW TIMES. DOESNT MEAN I DONT WANNA HANG OUT ALL THE TIME!. I'M SO TIRED OF PEOPLE GIVING ME THAT DUMB ASS EXCUSE OF NOT ASKING ME TO GO HANG OUT!

JUST FUCKEN TELL ME YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME OR DONT WANNA HANG OUT IS BETTER EXCUSE THAN SAYING I'M ALWAYS AT VANESSA'S HOUSE. SERIOUSLY. DONT SAY JUST BECAUSE I HAVE VANESSA AND SOPHIA NOW AND I DONT WANNA HANG OUT. ITS NOT EVEN THE FUCKEN REASON. STOP GIVING ME DUMB ASS REASON FOR FORGETTING ME! VANESSA ASK ME IF I WANNA HANG OUT. YOU GUYS DONT. SO TIRED OF THIS SHIT I SWEAR. IF YA CARED MUCH ABOUT HOW I B FEELING THAT START! CAUSE YOU NEVER DID! SERIOUSLY SO TIRED OF HEARING SHIT LIKE THAT. AND FYI YOU GUYS ALWAYS ASK ME THE LAST MIN! SO DONT EXPECT ME TO SHOW UP ALL THE TIME. I DO HAVE A FUCKEN LIFE SOMETIMES!

ALWAYS YES I DONT HAVE MUCH MONEY TO HANG OUT. IF THATS ANOTHER REASON U GUYS DONT ASK. AT LEAST ASK AND SEE IF I WANNA STILL GO. CAUSE ASKING IS A WAY OF APPRECIATING PEOPLE'S EXISTENT!

anyways this ALL CAME OUT because of a talk. BE CONSIDERATE OF HOW PEOPLE BE FEELING. CAUSE THEY DO FUCKEN FEEL LEFT OUT! ALSO DONT EXPECT PEOPLE TO DO SHIT FOR YOU IF U DONT DO THE SAME FOR THEM!

...

LIFE SUCKS. lol. i havent talk to wilson lately. hahaa. but i think its a good thing. i could forget about him n move on. i was talking to this one guy. i havent talk to him for a while but yeah. he played the piano for me. HES REALLY GOOD. lol hes really sweet but no i dont like him. hahaha. but i will get to know him. i hope he gets the job at APPLE. GOOD LUCK KEVIN! =D

IF ANY OF U GUYS NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. MY EARS IS ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU GUYS =D

hrmmm i have this song i really like. its call dream - cant wait to hate you. haha. if u want it just i.m me. =D
i have a lot of new songs that i like. its KRAZY. =D

i didnt do shit today. i sat home pretty much the whole day. maplestory. i made a new character and i'm level 19 almost 20 =D JUST IN ONE DAY. pretty quick. n i was chatting most of the time. =D OHH YEAH I GOT NEW NAIL POLISH AND I LIKE IT A LOT. GREEN AND PURPLE. XD

thoughts.

ohyesannyes (2:22:56 AM): i dont want to control anyone. if that person cant be faithful to me. its no point of being with that person. i dont want to have a relationship that i need to keep a guy on check. i want them to have their freedom. cause i would want my own. trust is the main key to a relationship

i finally realize that I DONT WANT A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. i dont think i'm ready to call someone my boyfriend. sometimes i really want to commit but i dont think there is a guy that is worth me wanting to commit a serious relationship with. i just have to just wait for the day to come. but as of right now i just want to date just one guy and see where it goes. if it is worth to move on than why not. but if its not, than i'm sorry. i think i always wanted this but because of wilson coming along giving me this special feelings i never gotten from any guys made me felt that i do like him. the attractiong fooled me to think i like him. thinking about it, i dont know much about him to determine if i like him. i'm positive i'm really attracted to him. really attracted to. he could satisfy what i need and want. i believe he has the ability to do that. i really wonder whats the next step with me and wilson. i wonder if he would ever see more than just a friend with me. i wonder if he would ever like me. so many question i cant find the answer. maybe time could tell me. tell me what my heart really want forsure.

i want to leave city. i want to art school and be a famous interior design. i want to design a store/ house/ mall/ everything. =D i really want to one day see myself doing what i do best. i wish i could move back to hong kong n find a job there. maybe i will find my guy in hong kong in the end. =D

as of right now my heart hurts. iono why but it does. i guess i just got to learn not to care. never let little things to hurt myself. cause i want to be happy. i want to smile. i want to be free. i want to have fun again.

--

TODAY IS ......

today is.....

today was alrite overall i guess. i was home until dinner. ERNESTO came to bring me to dinner at san tung and head back to my house. we ended up going to cow cow for dessert and after we headed to safeway to get BEER =D head over to vanessa's house but mommy went krazy n kicked us out. if u want to put it like that. but it was pretty krazy. head home and now i'm tokboxing with AMY AND YONG and another box with MATT. hahaha. VENT talking to daddy yee. =D
I LOVE DADDY YEE. he could help me understand things better. aint lying he could. i guess cause hes more mature. =P DADDY SO CUTE. MAKING MOMMY FOOD. =D ANYWAYS i'm in a good mood for some weird reason. haha. whatever.

he didnt call me the whole day. i guess he have another event going on. imma just let things cool down in between me n him. cause i think his heart just not with me right now. i want him to miss me. i really do. i want him to want me n he get the same feelings i'm feeling. if he doesnt get it. FUCK IT. imma just let go. its really no point of waiting for a guy who doesnt feel the same way. rather let it go early than later. =\ now its time to just think about things.

JORDIN SPARKS - IT TAKES MORE

Tell me what happened this time
Made you come back again
I find out only see you when luck deserts you
If this is your idea of happiness
Then let's be clear
Those words of yours ain't working anymore

Cause I'm always giving
Here waiting while you're living
I need a new beginning
Oh, I'm not the girl I used to be with you

You think maybe that I'm just so easy
You can come in and out my life like you please
But baby no (uh-oh)
Don't you know it takes more
To keep a girl like me
No more waiting for you to change
Don't you know that you bringing flowers
Won't stop the rain baby no, no (uh-oh)
Don't you know it takes more
You're the only one not worth waiting for

I know you're busy so if you gotta go
Then go but don't forget to leave my heart
I stayed around for you but
You're no where to be found now
Once again here you are

Cause I'm always giving
Here waiting while you're living
I need a new beginning
Oh, I'm not the girl I used to be with you

You think maybe that I'm just so easy
You can come in and out my life like you please
Jordin Sparks It Takes More lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/jordin-sparks-it-takes-more-lyrics.html
But baby no (uh-oh)
Don't you know it takes more
To keep a girl like me
No more waiting for you to change
Don't you know that you bringing flowers
Won't stop the rain baby no-no (uh-oh)
Don't you know it takes more
You're the only one not worth waiting for

I've settled for less
When I stayed with you but no more
Cause you aint worth waiting for, ooh, uuuuh

You think maybe that I'm just so easy
You can come in and out my life like you please
But baby no (uh-oh)
Don't you know it takes more
(Don't you know it takes much more)
To keep a girl like me
No more waiting for you to change
(Waiting for you, no, no, no, no)
Don't you know that you bringing flowers
Won't stop the rain baby no-no (uh-oh)
Don't you know it takes more
You're the only one not worth waiting for

(uh-oh) Don't you know it takes more
(uh-oh) Don't you know it takes much more
(uh-oh) Don't you know it takes much more
You're the only one not worth waiting for

You think maybe that I'm just so easy
You can come in and out my life like you please
But baby no
Don't you know it takes much more
No-no, no more waiting for you to change
Don't you know that you bringing flowers
Won't stop the rain, no, oh
Don't you know it takes much more, oh


you say you couldn't handle me but who are u fooling? my life might have a little drama but its fine. i believe its me who cant handle your life. you're one busy guy and i cant stay at home waiting for your call to see if you want to see me. it hurts not getting the call that i want, i cant wait forever. =[ so i decided to let go before i fall too deep for you.

forgot pw.

sorry i havent been up on my blog lately. i couldnt remember whats my email address i use for this and also my pw. lol. now i finally got it back up.

today i went to class and went to vanny;s house with sophia after class. we went to jay;s house and we decided to go to seniors and we saw MATT walking home n he came with us.
after seniores we pretty much went our seperate ways. but i stayed at vanny;s house.
later on jay called n they came over n WII than sunset super to get pork chop. after that we went to my house and back to vanny;s lol. they went home and i just stayed at vanny;s until around 9 ish jay came over and than matty called and me n jay went to his place n help him out of the dessert he was making. like wow. it was good. no doubt about that. it was good tho. after that i went back to vanny n my sister came to pick me up. thats my day.

MY LAPTOP IS STILL BROKEN FYI. on my sister's mac pro.

goodnight guys.

feelings

when i first met you.
you were so cute, funny, adorable, and many more beautiful traits.
but you've change.
i feel like the person i know isnt there anymore.
you might felt that i was trying to live your life.
but i wasnt.
never did.
if i did i wouldve confront you of how i felt for you.
i hide so much feelings, questions, and care i have for you inside me.
you just never realize how much stuff i know about you.
you just never realize hurtful things i heard about you.
you just never realize how much pain you have given me.
you just never realize i was trying to get to know you from the start.
i dont know why i like you so much.
i dont know why i still care about you.
but all i know is its time for me to let you go.
because in your heart i was never there.
you just never realize you were very special to me.
you just never put the heart to see me in your life.
i feel like i'm blaming everything on you.
but is it my problem?
is it my fault youre running away from me?
i really wonder.
i really wonder what i did wrong?
what made you became the person you became?
am i that bad?
am i a bad person?
am i just not good enough?
you made me feel so sad.
cause i dont know what i did wrong.
i dont know why things could end up like this.
i really wonder what i can do to fix it.
but i realize today it cant.
from the mean words you said to me today.
it made me realize i'm just in the same place as her.


you were one special guy to me.
i never expect you to someone you aint.
i never expect to have some kind of special friendship with you.
i was just kidding with you.
if i did want to have some kind of friendship.
i would want our own. our own special friendship.
i feel like we have a lot of misunderstanding.
but you never gave me the chance to clear anything up.
i really wonder why did i like you so much.
i wonder why every words you say to me could make me so happy and sad.
i wonder what i could do to have that again.
i never put you as a life time partner.
i just wanted to have you in a special way for just a moment.
when i'm around you i feel like a different person.
i realize that.
i try to be myself but i couldnt.
if i could stop loving you i would.
if i could stop caring stop wondering i would.
i dont know why i'm so stupid to still care.
what is there to care about? nothin.
i feel like you never understand how i felt.
never did never will.
i like you but you didnt understand.
i never wanted anything from you.
but just be a friend.
friend that i could flirt with.
='[

its time to let go.
its time for me to stop caring, stop wanting, stop trying, stop liking you.
you will never know how much hurt me.
you will never know how much i care about you.
you will never know how i truely feels.
because i try to hide everything from you.
i try to walk away. but yet you keep coming at me.
i try to forget but u keep reminding me.
and now its time to let go.
its time to let go of the good memories.
its time to move on because i dont wanna like you anymore.
i dont want to believe youre one of a kind.
i dont want to believe youre perfect in my eyes.
i really dont want to see you in that way anymore.
its really time to let go.
goodbye.